Love Message From:    Him
Age & Location:    20 New York
Love Message To:    Her
Age & Location:    20 New York
Your Message:

She broke my heart… and I never did send the letter.

Her,

So its been less than 24 hours, and all I can think, is this must be a nightmare. A little longer and I’ll wake up. It’s can’t be happening. Your call, it’s coming out of nowhere.

And then I step back and think well there were times when I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy for a couple weeks, maybe months. I came close to breaking up with you probably ten times, and each time thought about what my life would be like without you. Without your smile and your voice, your bounce and happiness. Those were the times I thought you weren’t happy.

And every time I convinced myself, wait one more day, it will get better, and it did. I came to the realization that I love you with every essence of my being and it became my sole goal to make you happy. I have evidently failed.

You say you aren’t happy, but it’s so hard for me to believe. Whenever we see each other, and most of the time when we are on the phone, we can’t contain ourselves.

You say we don’t have enough in common. For me, I have you and that is all I need. If you need more alone time, that’s fine, say so. If you need me to try new things to make you happy, I want to. It’s kind of ironic – before I called you I was thinking about how some of our time had gotten stale. I was thinking about new things we could try to keep it interesting and bring some old things back like tennis and walks with you and movie nights. I had gotten distracted in things that I thought you enjoyed, not realizing you were just doing them for me.

I like when you talk about your work. I want to help you study for the MCATs and for your tests. I’ll even stop making things a competition. It always worked for me before and kept me motivated. We have different techniques and that’s fine.

Moment to moment I feel like ripping my eyes out, screaming my lungs out and bawling a river of tears. The next moment I tell myself I am being ridiculous. I pull myself back together and say no girl is worth it. In the next I realize you are. In my mind, you can’t possibly feel the way you say when you were on the phone with me, too many things don’t add up, your reasons can’t possibly outweigh your feelings.

You are an amazing person and I have cherished every moment I have spent with you. I have whispered sweet nothings into your ears since before we started dating. I could tell you everything then, how much I thanked God for getting to meet you. How perfect (I know you hate that, so that’s why I told you when you were sleeping) you truly are. You have helped me and loved me in countless ways, and I have let you down. I have missed what was happening right before my eyes.

I suppose this letter, if I ever give it to you, is to let me think. You have been my best friend. My only true friend that I could talk with, share with, and laugh with. My two years at college have only been as good as they have, because I have been with you. You make each day brighter, each project easier and every moment something worth doing, knowing that you would be there supporting me and helping me.

I’ve missed some opportunities to make you happy. I will fix that. You say we can’t fix it, but I don’t think that is true. We’ve never even had a solid fight. I was stupid enough to think for a while that a fight was what we needed. It’s not and wasn’t.

We don’t talk all the time about everything because sometimes things don’t need to be said. But sometimes they do. I wish you had told me.

And so as I sit here writing this, I realize you are right – I am different from you. But if we want, that can work.

I want to try to fix things. I want to drop things that cause me stress and focus on two things, my schoolwork and you. I need your help. I need your support. I need you.

I love you. I recognize that the most important thing for you might be to go your own way, but let’s at least wait til grad school. Hell, wait until you can tell me to my face and I can hold your hand as we walk. I recognize that I am once again being selfish in a sort of way. But how can you let a little discomfort and sadness you have right now kick me to the curb. There is no way for me to pull you down, you are amazing. I only want to help make you better.

I just don’t understand and I feel stupid for not understanding. I feel like that might even be part of the problem. That just makes me feel stupider.

I have never been more honest with you than I am being right now.

Gah, I feel so helpless. Life seems so pointless. This summer I realized before I met you I was content. I felt I could die at any time and I would have lived a full and positive life. I’ve interacted with you and now I want to grow old. I want to scuba dive, sightsee the world, buy a house on the beaches of France, live with a big family. Those ideas scare me, but they make me happy. Being with you makes me feel invincible because if…

And I realize once again that I am talking about me, not you. Maybe you’re right, maybe we need to breakup. I love you, but I hope you’re wrong.

Yours,

Me

P.S-Fixing one thing, could make the difference; as the saying goes, one thing leads to another. I need you to keep trying with us. The things most worth it in this life, are those worth fighting for…

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!