Love Message From:    Debbie
Age & Location:    52 . sacramento
Love Message To:    my late husband Alan
Age & Location:    59 Heaven
Your Message:     05/19/2010

Moving on.. I am not sure if I am ready to explore a relationship with another , Have I only been telling myself that ?….I still wake up and think , how can I make it through this day?. My life has changed so dramatically, so quickly, so final . My husband, my lover, my best friend died in my arms 15 months ago. Did you know how much I loved you! — I wish I could of known you were going to leave me that day, I never got to say goodbye. You were sleeping more towards the end .Only room for one in there as you prepared to go — What a honor that was. To be there with you when you left this world. . I lay next to you, holding you for a long time after I heard your last breath , . –I did not want to let you go. I let our dogs sleep on your side of the bed now, because it was so empty. How could you leave me here alone!. –Who am I now?, I am no longer a wife, no one needs me anymore. I miss you, we were peas and carrots. mac and cheese. a couple. I miss being a couple, –I am feling sad and sorry for myself.– . Our friends stopped calling me long ago to see if I’m O.K.. “NO” I am not O.K” – I’m confused and lonely, desperate for the past, for what I have lost and taken for granted. I am just going through the motions of life. I think ,can’t you see that.!.– Will I ever be happy again?. –Are you there, are you watching me.?.– Will I ever be loved again? –How can I ever sleep with another man, the thought so foreign to me, I often forget to eat and wait until I’m shaking from hunger. I put off things I know I should be doing because I don’t know where to start… I tell myself that this is normal. Is it?, I think — I know that I am lost, I am frightened and I am vulnerable. I don’t want to be hurt, I act tough when I am scared and try to show my strengths to cover up my weakness. I make a note to hang on the mirror to remind myself of how fortunate that I am. .. Am I ready to venture out?. I am so lonely. Maybe I should wait.. My friends tell me that it’s time . I need someone in my life. I want someone in my life. Goodbye my love, I will never forget you. I can do this..I think.