From: James
To: Sam

Watching and waiting
From my own private Hell
I catch many small glimpses
Of what lies ‘neath your shell.

You truly amaze me
In everything that you do
Your hot ember, glowing softly
Makes my mind come un-glued

It needs but a draft
A mere breath from soft lips
To bring your fire to life
Sear my soul with your kiss

Longing to hold you
Needing you to be near
Offering comfort through sadness
Banishing all of your fears

I love who you’re becoming
I love watching you bloom
I love lying beside you
You’re a beacon in my gloom

I fall into your eyes
I fell into your heart
I’ll be with you forever
Although soon we must part

Run your hand through my hair
And I’ll run mine through yours
Please think fondly of me
When you walk distant shores

You’ve a piece of my heart now
That will never be wrong
And I will always love you
No matter where you have gone.

When the years stretch between us
And we meet by and by
Know this one thing for certain
My love for you, will not die.

I love you, Sam. Right or wrong, that will never change.
I want to thank you for being such a huge part of my life, and I want you to know that part of my heart is and always will be yours.

From: A Star
To: A Four Piece Puzzle

I’ve spent two years not with you. Two years I shouldn’t have been missing out. I wanted to know you. I left- and I know I can’t live without you. I have found my place and that is beside you- for as long as I live. You’re my best friend- the one person I trust the most in this world. My better half. Your smile makes my heart beat. When I’m not with you- I just don’t feel like me.
Every day I’m gone makes me die a little more inside. When I get back- there will be no day that passes where I don’t hold your pinky and lean close to you. The other day I wanted to give up on you, but I didn’t. I realized in a split second- giving up would only kill me. If I could only hear your voice.
But I haven’t for what feels like a month (in reality 4 days). Where are we going? Please don’t let us end. It would be the death of me. When we are together again, no 5 min period should pass without a bunch of kisses.
I want to wake up next to you.
Don’t give up on me.

To: You know who you are, 19, USA
From: You know who I am, 18, USA

For the world to know: This is a long winded message. A rant of all my frustrations. It’ll jump around and it may even be confusing. I am so confused.

I have so many regrets. They swarm around in my head every time I think of you. I regret some of the things I said to you, how I said them, and when I said them. Some days I even regret loving you like I do, because it hurts so bad – but I will never ever regret knowing you. I get mad, I cry, I question my decisions. In the end, you are one of the best guys I have ever met in my life. Through our struggles, I have matured and learned so much. In a way, you saved me from bad influences. In high school, I could have fallen prey to how girls will date anyone who pays attention to them, but through loving you for the past 6 years – I was saved. I never paid much attention to any other guy than yourself. You don’t love me like I love you and maybe that’s a good thing for now. My foolish hormones probably would have made us form more regrets if we had dated.

My biggest regret perhaps if how my attraction to you has damaged our friendship. I can’t talk to you without feeling ashamed. I am a foolish person with a big heart and great ambition. I hope that one day I, and we, can keep the past in the past and start afresh. It would be amazing to have a new beginning with you. I know you are a ladies man so I don’t think I could trust you with my heart completely ever again, but we could be friends. Good friends with the freedom we used to have before this mess – if that is ever possible.

It was nice to see you this week in the evenings. I really missed having you around, joking, laughing, leading worship… this week reminded me of the old days before the whole mess with changing of youth pastors/leadership. I miss those days. They seem like a thousand years ago. I miss seeing you every week and going on trips with you. You were always a bright spot in the youth group. You were the lion of the youth group – strong, courageous, a good leader, smart. Your lion tattoo on your shoulder really fits you.

Can’t you tell how much I struggle? I try my hardest to get over you, but I just can’t. You were my first love. You are my hero. Why can’t there be some horrible quality about you that can actually force me to get over you? Why do you have to be so amazing? I am going away to college in a week and a half and you’re staying here for college. Don’t you realize how much I am going to miss you? I feel bad for any guy who falls for me when I get to college. I haven’t gotten my enough of my heart back to give to another guy. I don’t want to think of you when I find a great guy at college. Do you understand? I want to be over you, so I can move on with my life and not hurt anyone. And yet, I don’t want to be over you. Ah! I am a fool.

I love you and I hate myself in the process. We’ve been to so many places together and with the youth group – Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, Alaska… Panama City, Union, Jefferson City, Massanutten, Anchorage, Wasilla, Lynchburg, Forest Lakes pool, the Woods’ farm, Riverside for lunch, etc… all those places, all that fun… I miss that. I miss you.

Did you not feel the sparks that day we went skiing with our friends. Did you not recognize your concern for me when I fell? When I was limping? I didn’t imagine you asking me whether I was okay. You trust me more than you will ever admit. You have told me some of your secrets. That day we went skiing you left some of your things in my possession when I took a break. I wore your sunglasses on my head/hat and you didn’t even ask for them back when we went skiing together with Katie and Hannah. I had to insist you take them back, because I was afraid I might lose them on the way down the slope.

I am so confused. I asked you to my senior prom and you said that you would go with me – if you could, but alas you had to get to Washington, D.C. to catch a flight to go away to your summer job with World Changers. You said that you were sorry you couldn’t make it and that you wish I would have a lot of fun.

I just don’t understand you! I don’t understand myself. I don’t understand any of this!!!!! I see the quick looks you give me when you are laughing. I see the glances. I saw you invading my “personal bubble” the other night. You didn’t move out of the way/back away when I went through the door Thursday night. If we aren’t moving out of the way when we invade each other’s personal space, doesn’t that mean we have mutual attraction? Isn’t that what they say about this sort of thing? What the heck! We are running out of time for sorting this out if it is to be sorted out.

This is not a game! This is my heart you are playing with. I put up with it, because I keep getting the impression that love me in some way – maybe not the way I love you though. You seem to care about me even if you refuse to admit it!

I’m frustrated, confused… below are some lyrics from two Jack Johnson songs that remind me of you. One is the one you told me you were learning on your guitar and the other might be one I found on my own that reminds me of you.

“What would you do if I sang you this song
the connection is bad but thats only the phone
when my words kiss your ear, I’ll be right there
the message is long because baby this is your song”

“I was sitting waiting wishing
that you believed in superstitions
then maybe you’d see the signs
Lord knows that this world is cruel
and I ain’t the Lord, no I’m just a fool
and loving somebody don’t make them love you”

Life isn’t easy. “Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.” It’s these valleys in life that make those mountain top experiences seem so amazing. I’ll keep on climbing. I’ll get hurt along the way, but what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger!

I love you even though I don’t always want to. You care about me somewhere in that heart of yours even if you don’t want to admit it. Are you afraid that I will hurt you? I am not out to do that to you. I want to take care of you. Fix you soup when you’re sick. Listen to your woes. Comfort you. My confused heart just doesn’t understand. As I said before, I am a fool with a big heart – a heart that is with you.

From: Tricky (Matthew), London, UK
To: Trixiekitten (Caroline), Ottawa, Canada

I wonder at the how it can be, that so much distance can exist between my heart and me. You stole in and robbed me of myself and keep it with you 4025km away. Never a moment goes past when I am not aware of my loss and of the exquisite pain of loving you so much.

You are due to return from your 12 months away, maybe in 70 days, maybe in 120. I who watch the clocks and count the seconds rendered strangely immobile and paralysed, buried in a richness of feeling that consumes every facet of what I am.

This is the romantic love I have always sought, the all consuming passion that betrays me. I am less than half without you what I am when you are near enough to breathe.

I have never loved so much, never been so much, never had so much, never known so much as I do with you.

I miss you more than I dare tell you.

From: Suzie, 22, Somewhere Looking Out
To: ….

maybe we were just too young when we met; maybe we were just never meant to be. Whatever fate has in store for us, I’m glad it gave me you; if only for a while.

with your love, you rebuilt me; you taught me how to love you and now i know how to give love, I hope I’ll find someone as worthy of my love as you. Your love gave me the strength to become who I wanted to be; and eventually, your love gave us both the strength to move on.

Love doesn’t disappear and nor will we disappear from each others lives. We’re entangled as one, it’s just now the love of a best friend and I love you as that and more and always will.

Now it’s time for me to see if another will win my love and I’m scared but I know that with your love and the memories of our love, I’ll find my way.

From: Angeleyez, 19, Toronto
To: Trademarc, 22, Toronto

You brought me out of a place
A place where i didn’t appreciate myself
Its because of your love
Respect
and understanding

Parting is such sweet sorrow
But with an ending came a greater beginning
And its through that, that i appreciate you so much more.
Thank you for loving me for who i am.

Love always,
Your angeleyez…

Angeleyez