From: Amanda
To: Caleb

I haven’t told you how I feel. To do so is to be vulnerable. ..vulnerable to whatever it is your reaction may be. I cherish what we have so much that I’ve lived in denial about my true feelings. I have never before had such a healthy, dynamic relationship with a member of the opposite sex as I have with you. Denying how I feel safeguards our relationship from the adverse effects letting you know could have. More so, failing to recognize how I feel about you should make it easier when you find another beautiful, loving woman and decide to spend your life with her instead of with me, right? But you know what, I can’t deny it anymore. The truth is that I love you. Yes, I said it. I faced up to the fact and told you something I’ve never told another man. I Love YOU. I don’t know what you think this past year and a half has been, but however you classify it, you have to admit that it has been pretty amazing.

As I have observed, we go through our dating years spending various amounts of time with various people. At the end, we walk away from those experiences having a fuller picture of the person we want to spend our lives with. Each person and each story gives us a small piece of what we hope to find in our own spouse (and sometimes what we pray we never find.) After years of picking up pieces, the puzzle is complete. I know you’re not perfect by any means but I also know that I can’t imagine living my life with anyone but you. Being honest with myself about how I feel for you is scary. You’ve set the bar so high that, if for whatever reason God does not have us in one another’s future, I’m afraid I’ll never find another person who measures up to what it is you are. I do believe one can genuinely love another yet not end up with them. I’m scared… scared that will be what happens and that I’ll be left here not knowing what to do with my love for you. I know time heals and I’m sure that if such is to be the plight of “us,” that God will grant me the grace and wisdom to know what to do. But, for the time being, I tremble at the vulnerability I face as I strip my heart naked before you and tell you the truth. As scary as it is, I know there is no other way. I could walk away from you in December thankful for what we’ve had yet knowing that you never knew exactly what my heart wanted to say to you. But I know if I let that happen I will always regret not knowing if you felt the same thing. You’ve been the kindest, most sincere, genuine, loving, funny, and intelligent man I’ve ever met. You are so much more than what my meager words can express. You truly are amazing and you deserve to know that. You deserve the absolute best. I have so much love for you I pray that if I am not the best for you that I can rejoice in your happiness when you find the woman who is.

I love you.